Fellatio, cement the couple?

If oral sex, once taboo, had become the cement of the couple? The treat that solves the quarrels, boosts libido and complicity ... Survey of often enthusiastic men and women grateful.

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88.5% of women aged 35-39 have experienced the pipe

1972: the film "Deep Throat", glorifying fellatio in its extreme form, released in the United States, causing an unprecedented scandal. 2012: France's François Hollande elected at the head of the Republic. What relationship, you ask? No, a priori. Except that forty years after oral exploits of Linda Lovelace said in cult film, the pipe has become "normal" in the image of our new president. It has been democratized, common, unmarked. For proof, this study of Ifop last March, revealing that 81% of women would have left already practiced fellatio (against 69% for voters on the right, we know older). Beyond the political wink, what is striking is the strength of numbers: formerly considered a professional practice (in 50 years, only one in two women confessed it be given over at least once ), fellatio left the field of pornography and prostitution to interfere in the sex lives of everyone. According to the latest sociological study French major about sexuality (1), 88.5% of women aged 35-39 and 90.5% of men of the same age have experienced the pipe. As for regular practice, it borders the 70% among 25-34 years. In short, today it sucks like breathing, and young men, biberonnés to cyberporn, consider the "pen" for granted.

(1) "Investigation of Sexuality in France. Practices, gender and health, "Nathalie Bajos and Michel Bozon (ed. Discovery).

Fellatio, a figure imposed sexuality?

"I can not imagine when I meet a girl, she can refuse me! "Exclaimed Julien, single 26 years. "Besides, most of the time, they go down by themselves, no need to ask," he continues. Same story in all our male witnesses interviewed who use words clear: for them, the pipe is "mandatory", "must", "desirable" in short, downright indispensable to their sexuality. "People are perfectly integrated in fellatio sex" normal, "says Damien Mascret, doctor sexologist. It has become a compulsory figure of sexuality, although 10 to 20% of individuals, including youth, are not followers. Today, two thirds of couples regularly practice oral sex, fellatio or cunnilingus. And in most cases, it seems that with pleasure, or, in any case, without displeasure. Fellatio is not at all experienced as a transgression, unlike sodomy. Once this is established, everyone chooses to enter or not in the standard. "In fact, women we interviewed did not steal: they have completely digested the idea that the pipe is an important factor for sustainable development of their relationship. If two of them, among the young, courageously admit they consider oral sex as transgressive and say "yuck, yuck" regardless of room conditions "all-the-world-is-the-so-I -m'y-glue ", the vast majority lends itself willingly," for fun ", and some will give heart to joy, simply because they love to play" Magic flute "that they assume loudly.

"Fellatio helps soothe things, sometimes to resolve conflicts"

"This corresponds perfectly to what I observed, notes Dr. Mireille Dubois-Chevalier, sexologist. Faced with oral sex, women are divided into three groups: the most numerous are those that do not mind "too much", practicing fellatio without conviction but with generosity, to meet the desire of their partner. Others, not so rare, often suffering from psycho immaturity, can not even consider the contact of the mouth with a penis; disgust is very strong, and strengthened if the man shows pushy. Finally, there is a minority of women who, thanks to a real letting go, reach eroticise fellatio. They also practice for themselves, because they have discovered the pleasure it can give them, like the heroine of "The Art of Joy", the masterpiece of Goliarda Sapienza (2) I recommend reading both female sensuality is well described. "One can easily imagine the feast of the senses in the burning homes of the ladies, but so far, the pipe, which is primarily a strong vector of male pleasure, can it be seriously considered as the cement of the couple? as an essential element of its durability? The answers differ. For our two experts, it would rather not, though ... "Nothing binds it all together in a union, if not the secret pact that binds, the pact may as well cover the absence of sexuality! Fellatio is not more vital to the couple than anything else. The bottom line is the kindness to another. Now it is certain that oral sex, or other popular practice partners, helps to calm things down, sometimes to resolve conflicts, "replied Mireille Dubois-Chevalier.

(2) Ed. Viviane Hamy.

Elise, 30, invented the "suçothérapie" to save his marriage

Damien Mascret "fellatio promotes the proper functioning of a couple since it embodies the acceptance of the desire of the other, the desire to please. But many people without work very well! "This is not the case for Vincent, 41, married for fifteen years, for whom oral sex is a prerequisite for marital harmony. "I say bluntly: if my wife had not agreed to do me pipes, I think I would have gone somewhere else, I like it too much, I can not imagine life without! But I would have prevented, so as not to take the traitor ... "A boor? "Rather immature and narcissistic man who behaves like a temperamental boy who is denied a toy, analysis Damien Mascret. Do not accept the sexual preferences of the other, it's a childish attitude. This kind of man looking for an excuse to be unfaithful: here, the refusal of oral sex is only a pretext. The embryo of discord does not nest there, it is only a signal to explore when things go wrong. We must not confuse the symptoms and causes. The only oral sex has not the power to keep a romantic relationship, or repair it, otherwise there would be fewer separations! "This has not prevented Elise, 30, invented the" suçothérapie "(sic) to save her marriage, as she confided some time ago on the airwaves of Radio Arte:" After the birth of our second child, I felt that Philippe was moving away, he wondered if he still loved me, if we were to stay together or not. I had the idea of ​​making him a blowjob every other day for two months, between 9 and 10 o'clock. I got held methodically. A man rarely refusing this kind of proposal, it worked. "

"My ex cheated on me because of that, but I could still not force me! "

Helen, she bitterly meditating on the subject. Her husband recently left her, after eighteen years together, throwing in his face a final rebuke: "What I missed most in our history is that you never wanted to swallow my sperm! "Gulp. Our sexologists say? Damien Mascret, "we must remember that if men love as oral sex, it is because, being so honored, they are narcissistically devoured by their partners, as they are irresistible and manly, it is extremely important to them! "To Mireille Dubois-Chevalier, if Helen reveals a mismatch often seen in consultation," If the men go spontaneously to the intimate world of women in eroticising easily cunnilingus, the reverse is not true. Women too often think that, after centuries of female availability, men no longer have the right to ask anything in bed It is unfair. The fact of not feeling loved in his enmity can frustrate a man deeply. "Proof," I blamed myself, after this failure continues Helen. I thought a lot, and in my current relationships with men, it still asks me questions. My ex cheated on me because of that, but I could still not force me! "That, no question! Everyone agrees on that.

"No pipe if I have something to make him pay: youngest forgotten in the nursery or accumulating pile of laundry. "

"It is not" abnormal "not suck if you do not like it, insists Damien Mascret. We need to understand each other, regardless of the proposed practice, that force returns to be violated in its integrity. I sometimes advise a woman to better understand his hesitation, to remind her husband's own reluctance to be penetrated. The message goes well, this way! This does not prevent to question what stuck: hygiene problem? position? The question deserves to be raised, discussed within the couple. "To Helen, it's a little later:" I regret it myself ever spoken clearly. At the same time, if he had, I might be likened it to blackmail ... "Here one enters the delicate subject of the power relationship: Man sucked (or not) versus sucker woman (or not) which makes the law? "The woman, of course. The force is on his side, even in his refusal, "exclaims Gérard Lenne, film critic and author a praise of fellatio (3). All our witnesses, men and women nod: certainly, the position most frequently imposed fellatio evokes male dominance, but this is not counting the unbearable vulnerability of the penis during the pipe. "Can you imagine what they dare stand between your jaws? "Smiles Patrick, 50. This echoed verbatim women, well aware of power, some do not hesitate to play shamelessly (and we're not talking about naturally shots inopportune teeth): "A good pipe is very effective negotiation phase, when i want to give it the color of wallpaper or the location of our next vacation, "says Adele, 39 years. As for Julie, aged 35, she uses altogether to manage daily life: "No pipe if I have something to make him pay: youngest forgotten in the nursery or accumulating pile of laundry. But oral sex at will if I need to be forgiven something or coax, for it keeps the kids when I go on the seminar! "Both say that our psychologists strangle themselves when they hear this, but, between us, we know very well that the girls of" Sex and the City "are right when they say, knowingly:" OK, when it sucks, it is kneeling. But at the same time, they are held by the balls. "So much wisdom commands respect.

(3) "From oral sex: as ideal in the report in love" (The Musardine ed.).

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